oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
