Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
