theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
