My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
