yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
