addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
everyone is single if you try hard enough
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
