i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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