when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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