I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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