Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
