You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
