I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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