worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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