Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
