Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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