I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So much rum. So many feels.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
