And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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