I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
