does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I think my vagina is haunted
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
