yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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