i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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