She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
