Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
