Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
