thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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