I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
