you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
