So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize
