At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
