clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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