Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
