My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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