Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think people are normalizing furries
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
