Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
