but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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