Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
