Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
