I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
