Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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