I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
