your parents love me but you hate me
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
