I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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