dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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