stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
