my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
