I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
