I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
