Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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