but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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