he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
