I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
