i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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