So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
