I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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