I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
