So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
