Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
